“I want a relationship — a healthy one — with no co-dependency…”

These words were told to me about a month ago and they have settled in the back of my mind, but continue to bother me on some level.

I wish I could say that I know what a healthy romantic relationship looks like or even feels like. But the honest-to-goodness truth is that I don’t. I don’t know what those look like, feel like, sound like; I don’t know anything about them, to be honest.

Being raised in the household and cultural setting that I was in, it seems like codependency was all that surrounded me. It was the norm and as I grew older, I thought it was perfectly normal to constantly want to heavily rely on others and have them rely heavily on me too.

I think, even now, it still continues to this day. That way of thinking has dug in its heels into my mind and I’ve been conditioned to believe that I need others. I’ve been taught that I constantly need the validation of my existence from others, especially from my family.

All in all, I am realizing that that’s not the case, nor has it ever been the case.

You know, I read all of these articles about romantic relationships, relationships in general and some advice I follow religiously and others I take with a grain of salt.

But I think I forget that all that these articles are only pieces of advice from people who don’t know me; who don’t know what my life has been like and who probably won’t ever know me.

I forget not to believe everything I read; that all these articles are, are just people who want to write down and share the life (and/or love) lessons that they have learned so far.

All these articles are just posts like this one that I’m writing.

So, no, I don’t know what a healthy romantic relationship looks like. Do you? Does anyone who is not a professional researcher? People are different; people want different things in their lives. People can’t and should not be studied as patterns.

Again, I do not know what a healthy romantic relationship is like. And you know what? I think that’s okay. I think I am still learning about myself and I am choosing me over someone else, right now, and that is perfectly okay.

It is also perfectly okay to just let things be.